Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
