I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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