I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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