everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
