We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i drank out of a bidet.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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