she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
