just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
