i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
