I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
