I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
