I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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