I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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