Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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