I am in a vortex of obligation.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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