Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
