my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
