why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
