Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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