Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
