I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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