would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
