I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
