Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
