i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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