Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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