so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
