i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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