i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
