It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
