In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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