I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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