honey bunches of taint.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
