you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
