he shaved USA in his pubs
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
