are you still at the devil's house?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
