I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
