they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
