Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
