I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
