Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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