She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
