he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
