I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
