I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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