shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
