So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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