I heard we made out
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
