I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
