talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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