I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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