I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
